She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
