You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
