I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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