It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
