so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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