There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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