If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
