I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
