youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
