dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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