the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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