I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
