chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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