Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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