well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
