I could have mohawked her pubes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
