I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
