I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
