Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
