it hurts more in the daytime
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
