honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
