12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
