I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
