Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
