We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
