I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
