I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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