Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
