i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
