tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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