I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
