I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
