i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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