Are we in a gay sports bar?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
