he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We need a shit load of segways right now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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