Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
