I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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