i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
