I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
