Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
