Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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