I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
