I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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