from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
