Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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