I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
