i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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