Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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