There was a lot of him and a little penis
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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