i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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