Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
